I haven't done an onions and roses or a major rant for a while so here's a whopper to make up for it.
It isn't very often that you find a company that seems to hold an attitude of complete contempt towards their customers but my recent dealings with Epson have convinced me that it seems to be their policy.
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
Last week while I was wading my way through printing the huge pile of reprint orders and wedding albums that everyone wants before Christmas, my Epson 4880 printer suddenly made the most horrendous noise, chewed up and spat out what it was printing at the time. 'Oh my Gawd', I thought as I leapt to see what was wrong. The printer was sitting there flashing "error code 0001001D' at me. Remember that bit, it's important.
No amount of pressing the reset button made any difference neither did that universally used trick of turning it off and then on again. It just kept flashing the same error code at me. Close investigation revealed a tiny amount of paper in the carriage so I removed that and tried another reset, no joy. Time to call in the big guns.
A phone call to Epson on their 0871 number at 10p a minute found me fuming as I waited and waited and waited on the line while listening to the recorded message telling me what a wonderful company I was dealing with. 5 minutes later I was taken off hold and spoke to a female, I can only assume by her manner that I'd interrupted her in the middle of a good conversation. After taking a few details, name address make model, uncle Tom Cobbley etc, she asked me for my first name. Ok, I admit it, I was more than a bit narky by this time so I asked her why she needed my first name, you have my name already. "Oh", she said, "well I told you my first name."
That was a bleeding mistake, that saw me back on hold for another 7 minutes.
Eventually a man came on the line asked me exactly the same questions as the vacuous girl.
GGGRRRR!!!!!!!!!
Then he told me the engineer would call me within 16 hours to tell me when he was coming. "What was that error code again?" Tap tap tap. "That'll be £305 please, I'll take payment now." £305!!!!!!!!!!!!!
16 hours came and went (fume, fume, fume) I needed to call Epson again but was not prepared to spend another 15 minute being fleeced of yet more of my money. A quick Google search came up with the goods: SAY NO TO 0870!! Apparently most companies in addition to the premium rate phone lines they advertise also have a normal phone line, if not a free phone number they keep quiet. Well, You can't have the bloody customers ringing up and costing you money, can you? Let's fleece the buggers! Say no to 0870 gives you the freephone numbers for companies, hehe, that'll do for me!
I found the freephone number which highly coincidentally, I'm sure, was answered within three rings by a real person and not a machine. I asked why the engineer hadn't phoned as promised to be told that that service was only for enhanced warranty customers and I shouldn't have been told that, did I want to upgrade. GGGRR GNASH, spit bullets. ' No thank you'. I answered sweetly, while chewing off the side of my mouth in an effort not to explode.
"Well the engineer will ring you on Thursday then to tell you when he's coming." On and off the phone in less than a minute. Tell me when he's coming? Pssht !!!! What happened to 'what time would suit you?'
So, Thursday arrives as does the engineer. Bear in mind he already knew what the problem was before he arrived because he had the error code. He walked in and slipped a bit of plastic back into it's holder.
LITERALLY 5 SECONDS OF A JOB!!!!!!!!
£305!!!!! THAT'S £61 A F***ING SECOND!!!!!!
MY PRINTER HAS BEEN OUT OF ACTION FOR THE BEST PART OF A WEEK FOR THE SAKE OF A 5 SECOND JOB I COULD HAVE DONE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, then, ( I'm apopleptic with rage by now) the cheeky, cheeky bar steward spent 20 minutes creating an invoice on his laptop and used my f***ing printer to print it!!!!
Epson. You stink.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Red letter day
You may have noticed that I've been keeping a lower profile than normal of late. You may have noticed that things round here have been more than a bit tricky of late.
So, where have I been?
I've been keeping my head under the parapet and dodging the great piles of poo that the universe has taken into it's head to lob at us lately. I won't bore you with the details although actually lots of the details aren't boring at all. Some of it makes really quite juicy gossip. However, it's not my business to share it with you on here ( phone me later and I'll tell you all about it teehee) and the stuff that is my business is just waaaaaaay too boring and long winded - you know the story already. It's the same old crap- just lots more of it.
The cat decided to join in with the poo throwing and deposited a great big steaming, stinking pile of it in the bath earlier today - and there was me blaming poor Neil for the smell. Still would if I hadn't realised that the pong was coming from the bath and not the loo. Not even when he's in the biggest rush ever have I known Neil to poo in the bath so I'm fairly safe assuming that it was the cat.
He ( the cat, not Neil) did give me a clue that there was something amiss as I came in the house because he came to meet me. He normally doesn't come to meet me. Normally he just cocks a derisory eyebrow at me as I walk past him. Today - totally out of character he came downstairs to meet me. Hhhmm, I should have smelt a rat then but even more so when when he stopped to chat to me, " how are you then?" he purred at me, "I'll just slip out for a stroll, " he purred.
Slip out for a stroll? Make a sharp exit before I'd discovered what he'd done, is more like!
What else has happende?
Well. My teeth, or to be more accurate, crown, has been doing the hokey cokey with the dentist. In out, in out, shake it all about. The super duper new crown I was so excited about hasn't exactly been going to plan. They are currently making version 3. Version 1 was too dark, version 2 was too light ( I feel like Goldilocks) hopefully, version 3 will be just right. In the meantime my crown has been on and off more times than a traffic light.
In an attempt to get it just right the dentist sent me to the lab in Bolton for the person who actually makes them to take a look at my pearly whites. After much umming and aahing later they think they've got it right. Apparently it's my teeth that are at fault, there are too many colours in 'em (?!?). They suggested I get all four front teeth crowned as that will make it far easier for them. Destroy 3 perfectly good teeth and pay in the region of £1700 to make life easier for them? Let me think about it for a mo. Ok, I've thought. That's be a no.
Last weekend we had a friend and his newish partner from Dublin come and stay with us. That was exhausting - but not for the reasons you're thinking. There was no Guinness or shenanigins. Read on:
The conversation went like this:
P. "Bob. Could we be staying with yourselves next weekend?"
B. Of Course, that will be brilliant.
P. "Bob. Could we be bringing the kids with us?"
B. Er. Yes, don't know where we'll put them but we'll manage.
P. "Bob. Do you think you could pick us up at the airport?"
B. Certainly, what time?.
P. "8.30 a.m at Liverpool airport."
B. (sigh) OK
P. "Bob. could you take us back as well"
b. Certainly, what time?
P. "6.30 a.m Sunday morning."
P again. "Oh Bob. Could you run me to Stockport on the Saturday because I'm doing a course and could you pick me up from Stockport when it's finished? While I'm in the course do you think you could look after the missus all day as well?"
B. Hhhmm
P. "Bob, the football's on on Saturday night, would it be too rude to sit and watch it?"
So, watch it he did, on his own in the office, leaving his new partner with us all evening. Poor girl, the whole weekend must have been purgatory for her. She barely knows me and Bob and she was abandoned with us all weekend.
So, not so much enjoying friends coming to visit as acting as chauffeur all weekend. Like I said, exhausting. I really must teach Bob the 'N' word. At least they didn't bring the kids!
Have I stopped moaning yet? Nah!! Not even bloody started yet!
Bob's gone off to bed not well tonight. He's started with a cold and of course that knocks all his ear gubbins out of kilter so he's rolling round like a weeble again.
Have you seen houses trimmed up for Christmas yet? We have.
The first one I saw was the weekend before last. Now that's keen! Since then I've noticed a few others here and there. Mind you, it's later than normal, usually there are houses trimmed up by the end of October. I like Christmas as much as the next person but bloody hell, let's keep it in December at least. Bah humbug!
Why is it a red letter day?
Today is the first day for about two weeks I haven't ended up in floods of tears about something. Yay! Not a single tear has squeezed it's way past my eyeballs all day. Things are looking up!
So, where have I been?
I've been keeping my head under the parapet and dodging the great piles of poo that the universe has taken into it's head to lob at us lately. I won't bore you with the details although actually lots of the details aren't boring at all. Some of it makes really quite juicy gossip. However, it's not my business to share it with you on here ( phone me later and I'll tell you all about it teehee) and the stuff that is my business is just waaaaaaay too boring and long winded - you know the story already. It's the same old crap- just lots more of it.
The cat decided to join in with the poo throwing and deposited a great big steaming, stinking pile of it in the bath earlier today - and there was me blaming poor Neil for the smell. Still would if I hadn't realised that the pong was coming from the bath and not the loo. Not even when he's in the biggest rush ever have I known Neil to poo in the bath so I'm fairly safe assuming that it was the cat.
He ( the cat, not Neil) did give me a clue that there was something amiss as I came in the house because he came to meet me. He normally doesn't come to meet me. Normally he just cocks a derisory eyebrow at me as I walk past him. Today - totally out of character he came downstairs to meet me. Hhhmm, I should have smelt a rat then but even more so when when he stopped to chat to me, " how are you then?" he purred at me, "I'll just slip out for a stroll, " he purred.
Slip out for a stroll? Make a sharp exit before I'd discovered what he'd done, is more like!
What else has happende?
Well. My teeth, or to be more accurate, crown, has been doing the hokey cokey with the dentist. In out, in out, shake it all about. The super duper new crown I was so excited about hasn't exactly been going to plan. They are currently making version 3. Version 1 was too dark, version 2 was too light ( I feel like Goldilocks) hopefully, version 3 will be just right. In the meantime my crown has been on and off more times than a traffic light.
In an attempt to get it just right the dentist sent me to the lab in Bolton for the person who actually makes them to take a look at my pearly whites. After much umming and aahing later they think they've got it right. Apparently it's my teeth that are at fault, there are too many colours in 'em (?!?). They suggested I get all four front teeth crowned as that will make it far easier for them. Destroy 3 perfectly good teeth and pay in the region of £1700 to make life easier for them? Let me think about it for a mo. Ok, I've thought. That's be a no.
Last weekend we had a friend and his newish partner from Dublin come and stay with us. That was exhausting - but not for the reasons you're thinking. There was no Guinness or shenanigins. Read on:
The conversation went like this:
P. "Bob. Could we be staying with yourselves next weekend?"
B. Of Course, that will be brilliant.
P. "Bob. Could we be bringing the kids with us?"
B. Er. Yes, don't know where we'll put them but we'll manage.
P. "Bob. Do you think you could pick us up at the airport?"
B. Certainly, what time?.
P. "8.30 a.m at Liverpool airport."
B. (sigh) OK
P. "Bob. could you take us back as well"
b. Certainly, what time?
P. "6.30 a.m Sunday morning."
P again. "Oh Bob. Could you run me to Stockport on the Saturday because I'm doing a course and could you pick me up from Stockport when it's finished? While I'm in the course do you think you could look after the missus all day as well?"
B. Hhhmm
P. "Bob, the football's on on Saturday night, would it be too rude to sit and watch it?"
So, watch it he did, on his own in the office, leaving his new partner with us all evening. Poor girl, the whole weekend must have been purgatory for her. She barely knows me and Bob and she was abandoned with us all weekend.
So, not so much enjoying friends coming to visit as acting as chauffeur all weekend. Like I said, exhausting. I really must teach Bob the 'N' word. At least they didn't bring the kids!
Have I stopped moaning yet? Nah!! Not even bloody started yet!
Bob's gone off to bed not well tonight. He's started with a cold and of course that knocks all his ear gubbins out of kilter so he's rolling round like a weeble again.
Have you seen houses trimmed up for Christmas yet? We have.
The first one I saw was the weekend before last. Now that's keen! Since then I've noticed a few others here and there. Mind you, it's later than normal, usually there are houses trimmed up by the end of October. I like Christmas as much as the next person but bloody hell, let's keep it in December at least. Bah humbug!
Why is it a red letter day?
Today is the first day for about two weeks I haven't ended up in floods of tears about something. Yay! Not a single tear has squeezed it's way past my eyeballs all day. Things are looking up!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Calm
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.
Some doctor on television this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
Some doctor on television this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I had started and hadn't finished.
Before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.
Yu haf no idr who firkin good I fell.
Yu haf no idr who firkin good I fell.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I ouf it umb
'Or - to put it into plain English: My mouth is numb. Why? Because the dentist stuck a wacking great syringe full of anaesthetic into it.
So tell me again - why did I think it would be a good idea to get that front crown replaced?
If I'm truthful, the anaesthetic incident was last week. The dentist decided to try and remove the original crown and post with a hook like instrument and succeeded in taking a large section of my gum with it. OWIE!!!!!
When I let out a squeal he wordlessly grabbed the syringe and emptied it's contents into my gum. Now, I think I'm quite a tough cookie at the dentist's. I'm not one for making a fuss and generally just let them get on with it but as I sat in the chair, squeezing my hands together I felt a tear slide down the side of my face. 'It'll be worth it.' I kept telling myself as he drilled, pushed, pulled, scraped and generally pulverised my poor mouth.
This week I was looking forward to going back and having the new, super duper, top of the range, looks exactly like a real tooth, crown put on. Out came the hooky thing again and with a bit of twisting and pulling the temporary crown went on and the new one went in. "Hhmmmm," said the dentist, "not happy," said the dentist. "It's not right." said the dentist. Then he handed me a mirror to show me the results. He was right, it wasn't right.
The it dawned on my I'd have to go through all the pushing/pulling process again. All this in the name of vanity!!!
I was sent off downstairs and the technician was called. After a half hour wait I was called in again and the whole process was repeated, this time with three people gawping into my wide open mouth and discussing my teeth using words like grey, yellow and orange (orange?!) What happened to pearly white? "I can hear you you know, I don't go deaf because my mouth's open and I can't speak."
It'll be another couple of days before my new grey/yellow/orange crown is ready. In the meantime, I'm looking a it like a walrus with the temporary crown. Roll on thursday.
So tell me again - why did I think it would be a good idea to get that front crown replaced?
If I'm truthful, the anaesthetic incident was last week. The dentist decided to try and remove the original crown and post with a hook like instrument and succeeded in taking a large section of my gum with it. OWIE!!!!!
When I let out a squeal he wordlessly grabbed the syringe and emptied it's contents into my gum. Now, I think I'm quite a tough cookie at the dentist's. I'm not one for making a fuss and generally just let them get on with it but as I sat in the chair, squeezing my hands together I felt a tear slide down the side of my face. 'It'll be worth it.' I kept telling myself as he drilled, pushed, pulled, scraped and generally pulverised my poor mouth.
This week I was looking forward to going back and having the new, super duper, top of the range, looks exactly like a real tooth, crown put on. Out came the hooky thing again and with a bit of twisting and pulling the temporary crown went on and the new one went in. "Hhmmmm," said the dentist, "not happy," said the dentist. "It's not right." said the dentist. Then he handed me a mirror to show me the results. He was right, it wasn't right.
The it dawned on my I'd have to go through all the pushing/pulling process again. All this in the name of vanity!!!
I was sent off downstairs and the technician was called. After a half hour wait I was called in again and the whole process was repeated, this time with three people gawping into my wide open mouth and discussing my teeth using words like grey, yellow and orange (orange?!) What happened to pearly white? "I can hear you you know, I don't go deaf because my mouth's open and I can't speak."
It'll be another couple of days before my new grey/yellow/orange crown is ready. In the meantime, I'm looking a it like a walrus with the temporary crown. Roll on thursday.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Humble Pie and Builders
Spoke to soon there, didn't I?
Spoke before we had a stiff southerly breeze and rain, didn't I?
Guess what the next sentence is going to be?
Got it in one!
The roof still leaks - as bad as ever.
Just for a couple of days I thought the longest running domestic drama in history had run it's course. Ah well. Tune in for the next mind numbingly boring and extrucutiaingly long winded episode at a roof near you soon.
Spoke before we had a stiff southerly breeze and rain, didn't I?
Guess what the next sentence is going to be?
Got it in one!
The roof still leaks - as bad as ever.
Just for a couple of days I thought the longest running domestic drama in history had run it's course. Ah well. Tune in for the next mind numbingly boring and extrucutiaingly long winded episode at a roof near you soon.
Happy Anniversary
It's our wedding anniversary today. Happy anniversary, darling!
Funny how time flies. It's 24 years since we plighted our troth to each other. When I signed up for the whole 'for better or for worse, for richer or poorer in sickness and in health,' thing I didn't realise there was going to be quite so much worse, poorer and sickness.
You know, I'm not daft, I wasn't expecting 60 years worth of moonlight and roses but bloody hell universe, throw us a bone - just a small one will do.
So, would I do it all again? Course I would, Bob's my soul mate - where do I sign?
Bonfire night seems to have gone on for about a week this year. There were still fireworks going off at about 6 o'clock this morning. It's had more than usual detrimental effect on our cats who have been acting more than a bit strangely. We were all stood in the kitchen, (all being me, Bob, L & D, who stayed overnight) when our black cat ran in, gave a panicky meow and then jumped out of the stable style back door. I can tell you she hasn't done that for some years now as she's knocking on a bit and she's more than a bit rickety. We all stood and looked at each other in surprise as she shot off down the garden and disappeared for the whole day. B was outside with a torch last night looking for her. She eventually turned up about 9pm.
Now, when I say we were all stood in the kitchen, I don't really mean we were just stood because that would be really odd, wouldn't it, even for our house. What was really going on was that I was making pancakes for the kids as a treat for breakfast and they were supervising me.
We love having the kids to stay and it gives me an insight into what it must be like to have a couple of dogs. Every where I went, they followed me, every time I turned round, they were right behind me. I didn't even get to carry out my ablutions in peace as they were in the bedroom inspecting all my jewellery, scarves (of which there are many) and wanting information about all the photos and items I have around the room. Almost every sentence started with 'can we' or 'are we allowed'. I was exhausted by the time we dropped them off at home.
On Saturday night we took them to the town bonfire. There were about 6 million people there and we knew we'd struggle to park. Bob was searching for a parking place when I reminded him that we had L's disabled badges and could park pretty much anywhere. He hasn't used the badges before so parking just anywhere was a new experience for him.
He parked on a double yellow line, not causing any kind of obstruction but far closer to the festivities than we could have got normally. As we got out of the car this 10 foot tall policeman came over, got about 3 inches away from Bob's face and said, "I'm not officially here at the moment, you know you're parked on a double yellow line, don't you?" Bob told him we had the badges and the policeman's face changed from menacing to smiling and he said."Well then, you can park anywhere you like." He gave us advice on how best to avoid the queue's of traffic coming out of the park and then wished us a pleasant evening. Wow! I've never seen an attitude change so quickly.
The rain almost stopped for the evening, rather than a torrential downpour it slowed to gently spitting. The field was a quagmire. L & D came in their lovely new bright pink snow boots. Oh deary me. They weren't pink by the time we got home. I sincerely hope they are machine washable or they're ruined.
As soon as we got home we took off our boots and trousers and socks in the utility room, the trousers and socks went straight into the washing machine. What a mess! As for the boots, well, they were completely caked with mud. I'm sure G must dread the kids coming home from our house, they're always filthy when they get back!
Funny how time flies. It's 24 years since we plighted our troth to each other. When I signed up for the whole 'for better or for worse, for richer or poorer in sickness and in health,' thing I didn't realise there was going to be quite so much worse, poorer and sickness.
You know, I'm not daft, I wasn't expecting 60 years worth of moonlight and roses but bloody hell universe, throw us a bone - just a small one will do.
So, would I do it all again? Course I would, Bob's my soul mate - where do I sign?
Bonfire night seems to have gone on for about a week this year. There were still fireworks going off at about 6 o'clock this morning. It's had more than usual detrimental effect on our cats who have been acting more than a bit strangely. We were all stood in the kitchen, (all being me, Bob, L & D, who stayed overnight) when our black cat ran in, gave a panicky meow and then jumped out of the stable style back door. I can tell you she hasn't done that for some years now as she's knocking on a bit and she's more than a bit rickety. We all stood and looked at each other in surprise as she shot off down the garden and disappeared for the whole day. B was outside with a torch last night looking for her. She eventually turned up about 9pm.
Now, when I say we were all stood in the kitchen, I don't really mean we were just stood because that would be really odd, wouldn't it, even for our house. What was really going on was that I was making pancakes for the kids as a treat for breakfast and they were supervising me.
We love having the kids to stay and it gives me an insight into what it must be like to have a couple of dogs. Every where I went, they followed me, every time I turned round, they were right behind me. I didn't even get to carry out my ablutions in peace as they were in the bedroom inspecting all my jewellery, scarves (of which there are many) and wanting information about all the photos and items I have around the room. Almost every sentence started with 'can we' or 'are we allowed'. I was exhausted by the time we dropped them off at home.
On Saturday night we took them to the town bonfire. There were about 6 million people there and we knew we'd struggle to park. Bob was searching for a parking place when I reminded him that we had L's disabled badges and could park pretty much anywhere. He hasn't used the badges before so parking just anywhere was a new experience for him.
He parked on a double yellow line, not causing any kind of obstruction but far closer to the festivities than we could have got normally. As we got out of the car this 10 foot tall policeman came over, got about 3 inches away from Bob's face and said, "I'm not officially here at the moment, you know you're parked on a double yellow line, don't you?" Bob told him we had the badges and the policeman's face changed from menacing to smiling and he said."Well then, you can park anywhere you like." He gave us advice on how best to avoid the queue's of traffic coming out of the park and then wished us a pleasant evening. Wow! I've never seen an attitude change so quickly.
The rain almost stopped for the evening, rather than a torrential downpour it slowed to gently spitting. The field was a quagmire. L & D came in their lovely new bright pink snow boots. Oh deary me. They weren't pink by the time we got home. I sincerely hope they are machine washable or they're ruined.
As soon as we got home we took off our boots and trousers and socks in the utility room, the trousers and socks went straight into the washing machine. What a mess! As for the boots, well, they were completely caked with mud. I'm sure G must dread the kids coming home from our house, they're always filthy when they get back!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Remember, remember 5th November
D wasn't terribly sure about the sparkler
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